How will I share the room with someone I don't know at all?Back
You may have lived with your family until today or may have attended boarding school; whatever was encountered before, living with a new roommate may bring a little bit of anxiety. Don't forget that this different experience in your life will bring you a lot. This brochure is intended to facilitate this process.
Your roommate doesn't need to be your best friend; however, as people who share the same room, you should be respectful of the rights of each other. Don't forget that establishment of a relationship takes time and effort.
The most important problem you may encounter is conflicts with your roommate. This can be caused by thinking that a roommate thinks, feels, and perceives the world and situations like you do. In fact, people are not the same. Don't forget that your roommate may have different values. He may be coming from a different culture. The things which you think are correct may not always be the case for him. Therefore, the first thing we advise is try to know each other.
Get to know each other
Getting to know each other by starting with generalities every time is best. It can be uncomfortable to discuss private issues with someone we have just met. That's why you may want to ask the following questions when you first meet:
- What is your name?
- Where do you come from?
- What is the city you come from like?
- Which department are you studying in/ will study in?
- What is your favorite movie?
- What is your favorite book?
- When is your birthday?
- Which music do you like?
- What did you do this summer?
- How do you feel about being here?
- Who is your family?
Share your expectations about life in dorms
After meeting each other, it is appropriate to talk about expectations related to common life and even create some specific rules. It is not necessary to do this the first day, but it would be useful to do it within the first several days. It may be intimidating to talk about this with a person you just met, but this will be a very important point for overcoming problems which may arise when living together. Don't forget that the rules you will create don't have to be unchangeable. These rules maybe changed over time by mutual agreement. So what issues must be discussed to do this?
- Cleaning and organization
- Shared areas and items
- Work arrangements
- Sleep patterns
- Daily living habits, etc.
It is not possible to have all the same traits as your roommate. Determine priorities when determining the rules, but don't be very strict. Don't forget that the aim is to create a common living space and mutual flexibility will be helpful. If you want you, can write the agreed rules on paper.
Deciding on these rules will prevent most of the problems, but it doesn't mean you will not have any problems within the period. So what can you do when having a problem or conflict with your friends?
Talk to your roommate:He is the one you had a problem with, and he is the one you can solve it with by talking. You can't solve it by telling others; it can actually make this problem much more unsolvable. Adjust suitable for you both time and place.
Do not wait too long after the incident: Immediately share with a friend the positive or negative particulars of a situation. Do not think that ignoring the situation or your negative emotions will make it better, they continue affecting us even if we are not aware of it.
Talk only about your friend's specific behavior, not the person himself: Your friend certainly must have some positive sides besides this negative behavior. That's why you should talk only about the negative behavior itself. Try to avoid generalizations; instead of "You are always the same" use "I didn't like that you took my CD player without asking me."
Use "I" oriented language: Tell how the behavior made you feel, rather than accusatory and aggressive statements. For example, use "I get angry when you don't wash dishes after the dinner" rather than "You don't wash dishes after the dinner."
Listen to him/her in terms of events: Events can be interpreted and understood differently. Allow him/her to express himself/herself.
Stay calm and stay cool: If you do not control yourself, the situation can worsen.
Ask for assistance: You can ask for assistance from someone who may be neutral, such as the dorm assistant, dorm officials, or the Director.
If all these do not help, you can ask for assistance from the Psychological Counseling Center.